It’s funny the things that run through your mind during times of high stress.
Yesterday was hard. It was hard getting the sale posted correctly to social media. Frustrating.
It was hard driving down in the early morning light and feeling so much mixed up in my head. My heart. It’s just hard.
It’s hard when the people flock in an hour early even though it specifically stated in my ad NO early birds. Please respect my family privacy. Sale starts at 9. And there they were at 8am asking if we were open yet. So rude.
It’s hard to watch people plunder even tho they were invited to plunder. It’s hard to see all the “stuff” she loved now with little red price tags. It’s hard to watch it get passed over! Isn’t that weird? This is her stuff. She loved Collections, Etc., catalogs. She loved thematic decor and it’s funny how she liked the goofy and silly more than the refined or expensive. Yet that’s what others like too. I chose the least ornate most special ones for me– and they are the ones she liked the least. Lenox. Made in Italy. They are exquisite glass. She preferred the ones that clucked and crowed and had silly expressions.
It’s hard when people come and go.
What made it easier were the people who stopped in who knew her. My best friend, Sharon, spent all day with us. She was amazing. She stayed busy all day arranging and rearranging and making suggestions and just being here. She’s also the one who showed up weeks ago with a cleaning bucket and rubber gloves and cleaned bathrooms and the kitchen and was just here and part of it all. It made me glad to have a long-time best friend of 34 years who has the gift of doing such things!
My other best friend lives far away but her dad, who will soon be 80 and who grew up next door to my mom stopped by and gave me a hug, said this really stinks, and he was so sweet. My mom used to paint his fingernails as a kid – at least that’s what she always said! Funny thing. I still vaguely remember when HIS mom, Mabel, died. She was my grandmas neighbor.
So we sold a lot of little things. A few big things and today we are back for the half price sale .. and I was thinking on the drive down about a few things.
The past few years my mom and I lived intertwined with her dependence on me being heavier and heavier. When you’re going through that it’s hard to remember some days that it’s only for a limited time. It’s like raising children – the days are long but the years are short. Some days it feels heavy and suffocating. Some days are hilarious and full of joy. About two months ago I surprised my mom by just showing up. The majority of visits the past year were scheduled with doctors appointments, errands, needs. I was feeling like I just wanted to be her kid and her to be my mom and not be needed, just wanted. So I showed up on a weekday afternoon and she was so surprised. And we didn’t go anywhere or do anything. We just sat and visited and watched something on tv and it was so refreshing I thought I might try that again someday. But then she fell again. And so that never happened again. A few months before I did a sleepover with her. She was so excited she made all my favorites. Fried chicken wings and mashed potatoes and corn.
All her stuff is being sold or donated today. People are getting deals. Making offers. Half price. It’s becoming more final. The green fuzzy monkey just sold! The curtains she just bought sold. The little pot, the mirrored tray, the picture frame. Sold.
It will all get donated to a place that cares for animals. This will be good for their auction– all the chickens and roosters and furniture.
I cry less each day but today is hard. I’m thankful for friends, cousins, and especially my sisters and my niece. And the Lord Jesus because he’s holding me together.